memori aku

p/s: 290212 - once in a four year

experiencing the tough love

these few days i felt so irritated with people that once i think they have my respect as older people. but the attitude that they show. sadly it didn't picture their truth self. i don't know whether i'm wrong or not. my parent said i didn't have to express everything on air. on that part i know i'm wrong. i shouldn't let my anger get the best of me. but things that happen cannot be undone. those people attack me (i can say that as they didn't leave me alone) with hurtful word, advise like they never done wrong in life.

hey~

i can accept it openly if people scold me with respect. i'm a human too. and even though i'm young they should have choose the better way to correct my mistake. i'm having mixed feeling after this event happen. i can't never see them like i'm used to. i cannot predict how this thing gonna end up. but i hope it something that i can face.

yes. i'm angry at the first place but then i realize. i'm a type of person that don't get mad for too long or any emotion. i can move on and accept thing as they are. but when i am in that state. i can't tell what i done with the influence of my emotion. they said i'm young to interfere with their affair. but when it comes about family. if one of my parent get hurt. they should ready for payback.

maybe i don't know the full picture but i can tell by what i see. they didn't be fair and so judgmental. even for any reason they don't have the right to act that way. this has silently happen and grow bigger and become a serious matter. and i just add the spark. for my mistake i already make an apologies even to people that i doesn't have reason too. if that can make them calm then its i don't mind. but the reaction i expected is not what i get. if they don't want it then i have nothing to say. its tiring to be mad and angry. i already enough of them. i can't fake my face or smile when i met them. but i don't expect them to be around for a little while. that can buy me some time to forget (which i don't have the idea how)

anyway..

my semester break gonna be over and i'm so anxious to start learning again (this spirit only last first few month) as i think i'm gonna explode staying at home doing nothing (kerja rumah tuh tak kire la kan). and it been almost two month since i last met "incik chenta". we will met soon okey~ but what i can expect is. i'm gonna taking more subject and study harder than 1st semester i've been there. please dear Allah help me through this tough road.

p/s: i thank every people that being a helping hand throughout my life, study and bad days!

reality of life

i already have list in my mind about things i want to settle today. emm... yesterday to be exact.

• gi jabatan pendaftaran negara
• singgah bank simpanan national
• menyebok kat bank islam
• usha akak kat pejabat pos

so, thats the crucial thing i NEED to do. benda2 penting yang aku cakap mase entri ari tuh. tapi, ade yang da setel dan ade belom~ ahh...don't mind that. 

so my day are as normal as it can be until my two brothers (which is aged 16 & 17) still not at home and its already a very late evening. my mom are so sick of worrying. (i think it more toward fed up with their attitude.haha) anyway, it is their (which refer to my mom and dad) rule that their children must be at home before the sky turn dark. so after they did came home, it create unease situation which i think it normal for that reason. so i try to stay away by staying at my room but i come out at the end. i just can't resist tv. (helpless)

after that, i check on my mom and she just stay at her room. i offered her my ice-cream which normally i wouldn't do and that maybe because i just want her to feel better again and i do understand her feeling. TOTALLY understand it. but she refused my offer and i let her having alone time. i advised them not to do that stupid act again. and after few hour i found my mom using laptop in my room for internet. she can be mad at some one and at the same time laugh when my dad crack up jokes. i love her so much. which REMIND me that her birthday are just around the corner. and i know what to buy for her. (actually she asked for it which i don't really mind)

when i think my days gonna be over normally. incik chenta suddenly snap at me. he is so UNPREDICTABLE. i was just teasing him, having fun flirting and out of the sudden he loses his mood. how can i stand that statement. no mood while texting me?? his word sometime can be so hurtful which he never realizing it. haa.~ 

|give me strength please|

p/s: 220212-so many Sudirman's song play on radio and his concert showing on tv as ways to remembered the 20 years of his death.

susah senyum bila susah

p/s: thanx incik google. remind me to smile some time while im still living!

in the morning blues

i love to go through our conversation in the phone and i found this that make me smile. which you always do.


"you always in my mind
in everything i do
in everywhere i be
in every mood i felt
maybe you didn't know
how much love i have for you
because it can't be seen by eyes
even i hard to describe the
feeling that always tingled
when im with you
but one thing in certain
that you have the same feeling
like i do
because i truly love you"


p/s:my heart is complete since you being apart of it
 26/04/11|0822pm

cake|birthday|surprise|joy

surprise. surprise. surprise.
love. eating. all. type. of. cake.


haha. aku suke plan benda2 yang comel tok orang yang aku sayang. last year aku da buat surprise bila celebrate birthday dy early two weeks. memang gila. dy pon tak sangka. kalo tak, kira fail arr plan nak surprise kan dy. sebab aku celebrate awal 2 week: dy kena keje kat kelana jaya dan tinggalkan aku kat batu pahat. (tapi kejap je sebab lepas tuh aku dapat ofer sambung blaja kat shah alam) anyway on that day, aku ajak dy makan kat piza(sebab dia suka sangat makan spageti kat situ sedangkan aku rase same jer) da kenyang makan aku suo dy pakai penutup mate (yang orang guna mase nak tido) mule2 dy hesitate gak. haha. segan kot gan customer yang len. aku pon 1st time nak buat surprise kat orang so aku pakse gak dy pakai. dy yang redha gan keadaan tersebot terkejot bila krew piza bole pulak nyanyi birthday song sambil bawak kek (which is not in the plan! sampai aku pon blushing gak) hahaha~ then we cut it, eat it and hav a laugh. etc. etc. lagi separoh ktowang bagi kat krew piza sebab da men"yumbang"kan lagu tok ktowang. what a day~


so for this year aku ingat tak nak plan ape2 (sebab dy tak celebrate birthday aku) tapi aku tak dapat menahan diri dari buat macam tuh. sebab dy selalu belanja aku bukan2 and tak kesah kua wet bila kami date. another reaon is: dy keje aku tak. sekarang da bulan2 dan birthday incik chenta bulan7. tengok bape lame aku nak plan. fyi-incik chenta ne jenis orang yang tak suka plan2 neh. dy suka spontan. macam tga2 date tetiba dy ajak g kl. memang tak jao tapi da malam kot mane mall yang nak bukak. aiss. hate dat part. another scene yang selalu berlaku kami tak tawu nak makan kat mana. dia malas nak pikir. aku lagi malas. last2 mamak jela. lagi. bila nak kua date neh aku tanya lahh nak g mane ape sume. normal question kott. dy bole cakap tengokla kete nak g mane. geram nya! tentu dy yang drive kan. kalo nak menyumpat pasal dy memang tak cukup 1entry. haha. but that the juice of it. sebab aku bole marah dy tak nak plan betol2. eh. da menyimpang ne. haha.


anyway aku plan nak bagi kek jugak. well im not that wealthy nak bagi dia gift mahal2. biarlah dy beli benda2 tuh sume sendiri. i just love to see his smile when im celebrating his birthday. dy kate da lame orang tak celebrate birthday dy. so im officially appoint myself as the person who will celebrate his birthday if he still the guy for me. so. so. so (excited nehh) aku da pikir da kek ape sesuai nak bagi kat dy~ kalo last year his cake is heart-shaped tiramisu, this year moist choc with jacket-shaped cake. haa~tuhh dy. inilah bahana kalo tengok cake boss ari2 kat chanel TLC.(wahh.pomot jup) sebab chef itali tuh aku da jadik addicted macam neh. if some day i have the chance, aku pon nak buat kek camtu gak~(berangan jela) and to make my dream come true aku da contact sorang akak neh. hope she can nailed the cake. literally.


tapi aku tak pikir pon nak celebrate macamne. katne. nak buat ape. (yess. aku memang macam ne. every little detail pon aku plan). aku tak nak dia nampak kek tuh. kalo bawak g taman yang dekat kopitiam tuh (yang aku lupa name dy) cam poyo je. tolongla idea datang cepat. nak bawak g piza mesti dy leh agak. aku xtawu da nak bawak g mane. xpe2 birthday dy lame lagi cik eqa oii. ade lagi 4 bulan lebih kott. aku cuma nak spend time and tak nak kalut sangat mase nak celebrate tuh nanti. hope everything gonna goes well. alliswell-petikan skrip dari filem hindustan. haa~


p/s: buat mase sekarang kena lupakan kejap pasal fun2 neh. aku da nak nek sem & banyak benda penting yang aku tak buat lagi.

kau kena benti kacau aku

aku bukan orang famous tok mereka stalk. bukan orang penting yang dicari cam paparazi. tapi ne pasal idop aku. "kau" tuh aku tujukan kepada penyakit yang aku alami and it takes a long time to recover. nasib baek kulit aku da pulih. ne bukan serious illness pon. but it is serious matter to me. aku pon xtawu nak cakap ape. aku xjumpa doktor pakar lagi. tapi doktor3 (nak tunjuk yang aku pegi banyak tempat) dan akak gan abang yang dok kat farmasi uh cakap benda yang tak konsisten. bila aku tunjuk ape jadik kat tangan aku. yang ne cakap aku patot guna krim anti-fungal.(tangan aku berkulat??!) yang sorang cakap aku ade alergi kat kulit. sebab tuh aku gatal2. yang len cakap kulit aku sensitif sangat. last time aku g dia kata aku ade scabies!!(sape yang xtawu g google sekarang) 


anyway, terkejot berok aku bila dia cakap macam tuh. before kua, dia bagi arr pape yang patot. aku da rela sebab da macam2 ubat aku makan. krim aku sapu. tapi hasil same je. kalo baek pon kejap je. mase sakit punya susah nak ilang tapi nanti bila kulit aku da bersih kejap je dia menghantui. emm. i juz hope this time its working. aku bukan ape. bila benda ne jadik, aku hilang konfiden diri sebab orang nampak. tangan dorang sume halus, mulus, tak bergerutu. aku segan bila dorang tanya "kenapa tangan kau tuh?"(sambil buat muke disgusting) haha. ok, takde la sampai macam tuh. bese dorang tanya je. manusia kan Allah da create tok ade rase curious/penyibok. em. aku malu kalau dorang pelik tengok tangan aku. sume pikiran negatif tuh memang aku tak dapat bendung. lagi la aku ne student, kadang2 buat presentation. tak kan nak sorok tangan kat blakang?? seriously confident level aku leh jadik sangat rendah.


tuh kalau tga study. kalau tyme cuti sem aku selalu tolong pape yang patot dan kerja yang aku selalu buat ialah jadik cashier. kalau waiter lagi terang bin bersuluh dorang nampak. nak amek order uh. ohh tak sanggup~ tak sanggup aku nak hadap orang yang takde prasaan tanya kat aku. tapi jadik cashier pon kena hulur duit, amek duit. tak dapat nak elak kadang2. tak kan aku nak mintak wet cukup2 kat dorang. haissh~ tapi ade sekali tangan aku gatal yang amat sangat sampai aku menangis nak resist keinginan nak menggaru. sebab nanti lagi teruk kesan nya. =(


walau pon kau mengganggu aku. idop ne tetap besh sebab ade kawan2 yang jage ati aku, keluarga yang tak rase fedup g klinik gan farmasi bila aku pon da malas nak hadap muka teruja dorang tengok tangan aku.(kalau cantek xpe jugak) aku tak kesah tak g jumpa mereka yang pakar. ape yang ade sudah cukup tok aku. insya-Allah kau akan benti kacau aku buat selama-lamanya.


p/s: tak kawenla aku kalau kau ade. on that big day, xmohla tangan burok2 neh.emm~

La’ shos de amor

Ok. i made that title up. dont even know the meaning. tetibe berangan nak jadi Mexican gal~ today, in the very early morning i want to write about shoes..my experience of it. yeah~dont you ever separate girls with their shoes! lalala~

I kept changing my shoes for many reason..tapak kasut yang selalu haus(ske jalan seret,kot), getah inside of the back strap putus(sbb xske pkai btol2), material kasut koyak(TERlanggar besi longkang), tali terkeluar dari tapak kasut(yg strap kt depan uh), kaki heel terkopek sbb getah dy da haus and tinggal besi(lg sebelah ok pulak), and so many shoes experience i have. huh

I wonder how long should a shoe be with their owner. i never wear same shoe for a year which i REALLY want to look forward to. i dont like to keep changing my shoe while im already satisfied with my old one. aishh~ maybe aku je yang weirdo pikir macam ne..? orang sume suke kot ade kasut baru.

Anyway, i have been stick to this one brand, yeah you can called it a brand even it is not as famous as carlo rino, guess, and ape lagi brand kasot? aku hentam je. em.i dont exactly remember when but it has been 4 years of loyalty to that brand. i started get struck with it because the design are chic and lovely..and they have this membership card that got advantage of discount..which other shoe store doesn't have or i dont discover it yet??hee....sadly only now i realise that the quality are so low and i kept being patient thinking that the next shoes i buy there will be different. which is not....hmm~ im a student so buying new shoes is my least concern..

So, i stop being loyal to them and cut the card..muahaha~ (xde potong pon, saje buat drama) susah actually nak cari kasut/pump/heels that comes with a very good quality. tak pernah lagi try to buy those expensive shoes although people always related price with the big Q. it can be wrong sometimes you know...despite all that i will continue my search in finding the one.....(haha, da macam nak cari jodoh~) kena guna try and error method sebab tak cuba tak tawu..

I love shoes~ i just dont like the idea of changing it too often. my mom have quite a number of different shoes with different colours and she love to stack it beautifully. it influence me to be like that even now it not really suit my lifestyle to have so many shoes as i rather having great food, good times than shopping. haha....for now~

Suddenly teringat bila time skola pkai converse tahan je 2,3 tahun kalau jage baik-baik. but now nak pakai converse bila pakai baju kurung rase weird. maybe sebab dulu uniform, now baju kurung kaler macam-macam. lagi kena pakai pump or heels kot. tapi aku tengok ade je budak pakai kasut cam everlast/converse dan sewaktu dengannye bila pakai baju kurung kat U aku. ikotla selesa mereka arr kan. for me, fashion does not have certain rules but it depend on the person. as long as i felt comfortable and confident in it, who cares about what’s in and out.....


p/s: less is more=>rules that i always apply on choice of wardrobe as well as makeup|

working VS studying

malam 15hb to be exact aku telah menggantikan 4 orang waiter sebab dorang benti mengejot. i don't know about their problem but since im around, i should be a helping hand. another surprise to add is~(drumroll)


abang buat air benti gak ari uh. whats wrong with these people??aku rase dorang da xde manner arr..even kedai makan aku. opps~kedai makan ayah aku xde la besar macam syarikat yang dalam tb sampai kena bg notis bagai nak benti. tapi bagi ar warning awal2 korang da tak minat da nak keje. business is tough but the people inside it is far more tougher to satisfy!


despite all that shit that happening~ banyak gak customer yang datang semalam. alhamdullilah. but it really REALLY get out of hand. mane nak layan customer yang nk order. tunggu dorang pikir nak makan ape. nak antar makanan dorang. tambah ape yang patot. amek order lagi. kena masok kan bil dorang dalam komputer. layan bile dorang nak bayar. cakap sori yang aku pon tak tawu bape kali da aku cakap malam uh. make sure sume customer dapat ape yang dorang order. kemas meja. lap meja. basoh segala ape yang patot kat blakang. kua kan daily sale report. imagine aku buat sume di atas berulang-ULANG kali. except yang dua last uhla. haa. tulis pon aku da mengeluh


lutut mengegel. tekak kering. tangan da lenguh. baju basah+kotor(jangan tanye kenape). kaki da nak cram. tapi tak tawu kenape aku tak mengeluh mase keje. emm~ im so determined to work and get it done. tapi haa! ne makan dy. esoknye aku bangun nak dekat kul3 petang. aku xsedar aku bole tido selame uh. nasib baek ibu xmarah. maybe dy paham. im appreciate money now more than ever. aku memang tawu susah tapi not to that extended level. aku memang respect ayah aku sebab dy keje xbenti tok ktowang.


ibu bagitahu aku reason dorang benti sebab ayah tak bayar gaji. tapi bukan tak bayar langsung. ade 20% je xclear lagi. people sometime can be really insensitive about others. ayah aku tengah ade money problem. dy keje kontraktor and he suppose to get his payment after he finish the project given. but some people that responsible to make the payment just hold it and give million reason to my dad. and fyi-ayah aku guna wet dy dulu tok bwat projek. he hold a title of bankrupt person because the loan he made for business long time ago and the business not a success ending. aku tahu ape kekurangan orang yang da declare bankrupt ne. and im not ashamed of that. he earn really hard for the money he hold.

we are going through a very TOUGH life situation. time macam ne takde sedare nak datang tolong. tapi bila ktorang senang dulu sume berlumba mintak makan free. as far as i remember, business and family i different entity. it should be separated. i keep praying that my family gonna be allright like we used to be.


p/s: i hope the new year will bring joy to my family and my beloved dad!

aku lupa blog aku

ok kalo blog ne bole jadik bilik aku. da macam2 binatang perosak stay. tapi aku baru ingat blog ne. setelah dibersihkan, resolusi tahun ne aku nk try tulis sebanyak yang bole. kalo bole un9 lah.


anyway~




aku xpernah involved dengan tech world. facebook pon da bole bela tarantula sbb da xtwu nk on9 bwtpe.(kenape tarantula?sebab ade member pernah bela and his pet buat sarang sangat banyak kat dalam bekas) anyway, fb aku sampai my sis yang online cuz dia nak men games. tapi takot jugak cuz my sis pernah tanya tak takot dy hack ke??siot punye adek. i just believe in her....sister bonding i guess. she play mine for her own benefit anyway. aku da tak boleh masuk game-game ne. ceh matang da~hehh


But i starting to find blog interesting. having your life experience turn into writing in the same day(if possible). or just thought that i want to share. which i can still read it when im old. i know im a write person. because i prefer to write my feeling out rather than express it face to face..~ahaha


I start reading my younger sis bl0g(secretly). later, i got introduce with more famous blogger and enjoy their writing of their life that they shared or just a topic that brings back memories that almost all of us would experience it or interesting place to eat. which then slowly something in me wanting to do the same without i realising it..~ although the fact i enjoy writing, i may dont have enough time to sit in front of my silver book. and honestly i really dont even know how to edit or put anything..just~


It would be nice if i can read my life experience. aku student retail management yang masih blur in determine what future that await. but love of being surrounded by jolly friends and never realise that my age da leh kawen.(ahaha) and i remembered that when im studied accountancy, ade student banking (kot) get married and pregnant!! time tuh aku baru 20thun kot??i think im still young and so many that i want to achieve before settling down with a man. it would be different lifestyle between single and married woman. aku rasa bukan sekarang~


Eh macamane leh masok bab kawen ne. hmm...berangan beshla, xde modal ape pon. idea je~anyway im grown matured compared to my earlier self during diploma. it affected many things in my life as well as myself. i just hope that the changes are better and let me be a good daughter as i used to object everything my family decide for me when im still in highschool.


yeah, orang selalu cakap budak agas or zaman mereka yang baru nak "naik". haha. naik ape pon aku tak sure...tapi darah memang senang je nak naik time uh...thankful to have patient parent and at the same time, the most sporting mom and dad i ever wish for..~


p/s: ari ne valentine dan pekerja restaurant ayah aku ramai xdatang. haishh (_ _||)